You're The Closest Friend I Got
by dabrealokn
Summary: John Laurens is lonely living in New York, until he meets mysterious Alexander Hamilton on the train.
1. Chapter 1

I yawned, not wanting to get up. I had to, though, not wanting to be late to work. I shrugged a jacket on over my grey tshirt, and slipped tight black jeans on. I then headed to the kitchen, grabbing a granola bar from the cabinet.

As I locked up the apartment, I sighed. I didn't want to go to work today. I never felt like going.

I took the train I normally do, the thirty minute ride of commute to work. Today I sat in a different car, and grabbed a seat next to a lady with her son. Looking around, I noticed a young man sitting across from me, furiously writing in a notebook.

 _Hm. Cute._ _Wait, John. Come on, man, not again._ I watched him until it was just us in the car, everyone else rereaching their stop. Mine was next.

I cleared my throat.

"Hello,"

The man bolted up, and looked at me.

"Oh. Hi."

"Are you going to the next stop?"

"No, I'm just sitting on this shitty contraption because I can." His response was cocky. I liked it.

"I'm John. John Laurens."

"Alexander Hamilton."

"Pleasure meeting you."

"Likewise."

And just like that, it was over. Conversation done. He went back to writing in the journal aggressively.

 _Maybe he's writing about the people on the train before they left. Maybe he draws!_

I doubted it. He didn't look like one to draw.

"Where ya headed downtown?" I asked.

"Just to walk around, I guess." There was hesitation in his answer.

"Oh? Any place in particular?"

"Um, no." Curt. He didn't want to talk.

We pulled up to the station, and I hopped off, rushing through the crowd, jogging up the stairs. I had to get to work on time, we had an interview lined up for nine this morning. As I neared the building, I slowed slightly.

Inside was quiet, suspiciously quiet. I walked through the twisty halls, going to my room. I unlocked the door, flipped on the lights, and flopped onto my chair.

Ten minutes later, Adams walked into my office.

"Laurens, the guy backed out. Do whatever, that was all we had today. Business isn't going too well right now."

"Are you sure, sir?"

"Yeah, just go."

I locked up, and walked out into the crisp New York air. I strolled down the street, and decided to drop into a coffee shop. Inside wasn't too packed.

"Fancy seeing you here, Laurens."

I turned, seeing the man with dark long hair standing to my left.

"Oh, hey. Name was Alexander, right?"

"Yes,"

"Ah, cool. Where ya sittin'?"

He pointed to a corner booth, and I followed him to it, sliding in across from him.

"Like coffee?" I asked.

 _Dumbshit. Of course he does._

"Yep. I come here every day." Just then a phone rang, and he scrambled to pull his cell out of his messenger bag. I gave him privacy, busying myself with the menu.

"Hey... yeah, baby. I'll be home soon, don't worry, babe... yeah, of course! Yes... love you too!"

He hung up.

"Sorry."

"Oh, no problem!"

 _Damn. He's got a girlfriend at home, course he does. Who could pass up that face?_

 **Hey, guys! New story, please review**. **Currently having writers block, lol.**


	2. Chapter 2

The next day was a rush. We had several people call in sick, a handful quit, appointments cancelled. We were losing business. My day consisted of yelling at coworkers and hurrying about. At home, I flopped onto the bed and sighed.

 _You should quit._ _But if I quit, I can't support myself. Then what happens? I just die here? Alone?_

Yes, alone. I'd been alone since I was kicked out of my home in South Carolina.

I decided to go to a bar that was exactly halfway to downtown. Fifteen minute train ride. On the train, I sat in the corner, tapping my foot, looking around again. It was routine. After fighting the crowd, I strolled down the street, to where my favourite bar was located.

Inside was ridiculously cramped, a ton of people, even for a Friday night. I hustled to grab a barstool, and sat down immediately, not in the mood to fight with a bunch of drunks.

"Sam Adams,"

The voice sounded familiar. I turned, and there sat the man from yesterday.

 _What was his name again?_

"Same here,"

He glanced at me and smirked.

"You copying me?"

"Hey, I was here first, and about to order one!"

The smirk turned into a shy smile, and he looked away, breaking eye contact. His dark hair was pulled back into a bun, though half of it had fallen out and framed his face.

 _Alex.. Alexander. Yes, that was it._

"So, what brings you here, Laurens?"

I laughed.

"Just needed a drink, you know? How about you, Alexander?"

"Same reason, I guess. Needed to get away from home."

I could start to feel the alcohol.

 _Don't get cocky, don't be stupid._

"Get away from home?"

"Oh, um. Yeah, I guess." He glanced at me, making slight eye contact.

"Girlfriend givin' ya issues?"

He nearly choked on his drink, half coming out his nose, the other his mouth.

 _Damn. That looked like it hurt._

"...Girlfriend?"

"Oh, yeah, I thought... you know, after your phone call.. I just assumed,"

"Oh, yeah. No. Just a, uh.. sister. Younger."

 _Sister. Noted._

He grabbed the collar of his shirt, wiping his face off.

"Sorry, that looks painful."

"It's alright." He smiled at me, dark brown eyes staring into my soul.

I downed the rest of my drink, and signaled for another.

"Laurens, _you_ have a girlfriend at home?"

"Erm, well, yeah, like, um. I mean, no! I don't! I'm gay!"

 _Smooth, damn smooth. Good job, John._

"Hm, that's nice. I find that I classify as bisexual."

 _Oh. Now we're getting somewhere._

Alcohol was having an effect on the both of us, and it just worsened as the night went on. Finally, at around one in the morning, we stumbled out of the bar together, Hamilton and I, laughing.

"Hell, John, that was good. The way he looked at you..." Alexander trailed off, laughter fading.

"Yeah," I said, unsure of what to do now.

He looked up at me, eyes dark, mysterious, intriguing. He inched his way closer to me.

Lips. Lips on mine. Heated, messy, but there.

 _You need to get out of my sight, John. Out_ _of my house, out of my life. Out._

I pushed Alex away, maybe too aggressively, and gasped for air. The look on his face broke my heart. He looked like a kicked puppy. Sad, big eyes.

"I'm... sorry. Got caught up in the moment." He slowly backed away.

"Alex, no, that's not the problem! I just... I panicked, I haven't had a kiss in years!"

 _Not since he caught us. Not since then._

"I... still think I'll go. Just call a cab, you know?" He slurred, pulling his phone out and walking away.

 _There he goes, John. Walking away. Like you knew he would. May you never cross paths with him again. With no boy, ever. Otherwise, there will be punishment._

Punishment.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Alexander's POV_**

I walked the last couple of blocks to get to my apartment; I had the cab driver drop me off a little ways away from home. I sighed, the crisp New York air making my face tingle.

 _John. I kissed John. He didn't want to. He doesn't like me._

I fumbled to unlock the door, and walked up the five flights of stairs to my floor. I unlocked that door, too, and called out skeptically.

"Angie?"

Tiny footsteps.

"Yes, daddy?"

My daughter emerged from her room, and rubbed her eyes.

"Where's Auntie Claudia?"

"She went home a few minutes ago. She thought I was asleep."

I sighed, and closed the door.

"'Mkay. Well, let's get you snuggled up in bed again,"

"Okay, daddy."

I walked Angelica back to her tiny room, tucked into the corner of the small apartment. She hopped onto the mattress that laid on the floor, and patted the spot next to her.

"Ooof, Daddy's too old to get down here,"

Angie giggled, and smirked when I feel backwards onto the bed.

"Well, I'm getting to sleep, daddy. Okay?"

I smiled.

"Sleep tight, Princess."

The next morning I woke with a start. I realized I'd slept through my alarm, and rushed to get up.

"Angie, up, up, up! Let's get a granola bar!"

She groaned.

"Do I have to, daddy?"

"I'm sorry you have to go to school, Princess. Now come on!"

She slowly walked to the kitchen, while I pulled on a hoodie and jeans. Grabbing a granola bar for myself, I helped Angelica get dressed for school, and we hopped onto the train.

"Daddy, I have a test today. Will I do good?"

"Well," I corrected. "And absolutely, I believe in you!"

Just then, I heard a chuckle. I looked around the near empty car and saw him. John.

 _John Laurens. He won't want to talk to me._

"Who's that?" Angie whispered in my ear.

John lifted his fingers, waggling them in a wave towards my daughter.

"Hey, Alexander. Who's that?"

I gulped.

 _It's okay, he just wants to talk. Even if he hates you because you have a kid, you already knew he didn't like you._

"Hello, John. This, uh.. this is my daughter, Angelica."

"Well, hello, Angelica. You look very pretty!" John smiled.

I could've sworn John mumbled, _'Just like your father'_ , but I wasn't sure.

Angie blushed.

"Oh, thank you, Mr. John. Are you friends with my daddy?"

"I'd like to think I am," was John's response.

The train stopped, and Angie and I hopped off, saying bye to John on the way. He did that cute wave thing.

"I like him. Are you best friends? 'Cause I want Mr. John to come over for dinner sometime."

"Maybe I'll ask."

I dropped Angelica off at school, and got on the train again, heading downtown to work.

On the train ride home, I saw John a couple seats down. At the next stop, I scooted to sit next to him.

"Hey, John. My kid sure likes you. Wouldn't shut up on the walk to school."

He looked at me, grinning a goofy smile.

"She was cute. She looks a lot like you, you know."

"So you're saying I'm cute?"

"If you want me to say that."

"Oh.."

Silence.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," John started. "I haven't kissed anyone in years. Probably not since high school, so like, 4 years?"

"Oh, well.. it's okay, I don't mind. I apologize for walking off."

"I think breaking our kiss was worse of a crime than you walking away." He grinned even more.

We exchanged phone numbers, and I walked home. Claudia should have Angelica at the apartment.

 _Ding._

I checked my phone.

 **[Unknown]** hey alex this is john

 **[John]** figured i should text u to say hi

 **[You]** Hey, John. Your texts came through

 **[John]** cool

I grinned, despite myself. I had a potential boyfriend's phone number.


	4. Chapter 3 part 2 - Filler Chapter

**This is a cute little filler chapter. It's half text conversations that Alex and John have, half phone convo. Takes place over a couple days between chapter 3 and the actual chapter 4.**

 **[You]** hey pretty face

 **[Alex]** Hello, Turtle Boy

 **[Alex]** How are you?

 **[You]** doing good now that we're talking

 **[You]** how about you

 **[Alex]** Angie would like you to come over for dinner sometime

 **[You]** u sure its only her wanting me to come over ;)

 **[Alex]** Hmm, yup. Pretty sure

 **[You]** ur no fun

 **[Alex]** I know

I sighed at Alexander's response. So cocky. Heh.

 **[You]** i think u have 2 much of a big head to now that stuff

Three dots.

 **[Alex]** *know. And I don't have a big head.

 **[John]** grammar nazi

 **[Alex]** So, about dinner. Would Thursday work? As in two days from now?

 **[You]** i dont have plans, im a loner

 **[You]** so yea, that works

My phone lit up. Alex was calling me.

"Hello?"

"Hi! Is this Mr. John? My daddy said he invited you over!" A girl's voice. Angelica.

"Yeah, hey! Your name is Angelica, right?"

"Yeah, but my daddy calls me Angie. You can too."

"Well, Angie, your dad did invite me for dinner, so I'll see you on Thursday, okay?"

An earsplitting squeal filled the other end of the line.

"Yeah. Okay, my daddy says I have to go. Bye, Mr. John!"

"Bye!"

A pause.

"Hey, John."

"Hi, daddy."

A sharp breath in.

"Ooh, damn. Low blow, there. You can't do that, Angie's still in the room."

I laughed.

"Sorry, Alex. Tell Angie thanks for letting me come over on Thursday. See you then, I guess."

"Yeah, see you.."

"Bye, daddy."

"Fuck off, Laurens."


	5. Chapter 4

I was nervous to go to Alex's apartment. He had given me directions, but I still thought I was lost. This part of town looked so different; run down, slanted old buildings, right next to more modern ones, next to a literal shed. It was an odd neighbourhood, but still charming, at best. Lights were strung around balconies, flags from many different countries hanging off of windows.

I found Alexander's building, and walked up the five flights of stairs that he said to go up. I found his apartment number. I raised my hand to the door, and was barely able to knock before it swung open, revealing little Angelica in a pink sweater and black leggings.

"Hi, Mr. John! Come in! Daddy's in the kitchen, he's making food!"

I glanced into the small apartment, taking in the lack of furniture in the main room. There was a couch, an armchair, a cabinet that held a television, and a small coffee table that was loaded with papers.

Giggles.

 _Not laughter, Jack. Screams._

"Mr. John, come _in_ , you're letting cold air in!" Angelica's voice cut into my thoughts.

"Sorry, I was looking at how pretty you looked! I like the pink sweatshirt!"

She blushed.

 _Not blush, Jack. Markings from slaps._

The moment I was in the apartment, Angelica slammed the door behind me, locked it, and took my hand and whisked me off to the kitchen, which was across from the main room.

And he was there.

Cooking. Making food.

And he looked absolutely gorgeous.

 _Jack._

"Hey, John. Fancy seeing you here!" Alexander winked.

"Hm, yes. I just happened to be walking by, and decided to stop and say hello to Angelica, here."

The little girl grinned, and then ran off down the hall.

Alex was at the stove, browning some kind of meat in a pan.

"Hey," I said, leaning on the counter.

"Hi. I apologize again about the other night, if I forced myself upon you. I thoroughly regret making you uncomfortable. My apologies, John."

Oh.

 _Oh._

 _Jack. Watch_ _yourself._

"Oh, Alexander. I wasn't prepared. It's been years since I've kissed someone. Also, we were both drunk. You didn't make me uncomfortable, and I'm sorry if I hurt you by pushing you away."

A smile tugged at Alex's face. He glanced down the hall that Angie had gone to, and then looked at me.

"Do you mind if I...?"

I leaned towards Alexander.

Lips. Lips on mine. Heated, messy, but there. _Lips._ I melted into him, and felt him do the same. Alex reluctantly pulled away after a few seconds (that felt like hours), not wanting to burn the meat on the stove.

I grinned. I wrapped a arm around his waist. Kissed his cheek. Alex smiled.

A smile.

A beautiful smile.

 _Jack. I'm home. Come here, now! Belt! Now! Now, hurry up, damn it!_

Stunning.

"Daddyyyy, is dinner almost ready? I'm hungry!" Angelica cried from her room.

"Almost, Angie. Just a few more minutes! Say, can you help Mr. John set the table?"

"Okay, if I have to."

Angelica dashed into the minuscule kitchen, opening a drawer and pulling out plastic silverware. It was kind of funny, and I struggled to keep a chuckle in. The eight year old pulled on my arm, dragging me to the table in the back of the main room.

"Okay. That's daddy's seat," Angie pointed to the chair in the corner, "that's mine," the chair on the right, "and this'll be your seat! Right between me and daddy!"

I laughed.

"That works! How did you know I like sitting in between people?"

"I don't know! I think it's my secret magic powers." Angelica whispered the last part, which made me laugh even harder.

After a few minutes of talking about random things with Angie, Alex walked over with food. He piled a lot on all three plates, and him and his daughter grabbed hands.

Religion is okay. I can sit through a prayer or whatever.

"Daddy, I'm glad we get to hang out this weekend."

"Angelica, I'm glad you're doing well in school."

"Mr. John, I'm glad you're here for dinner."

"John, I'm glad you've met my daughter." Alexander winked.

"Oh. Uh, yeah. Angelica, I'm glad we get to play dinosaurs after dinner."

Angie grinned.

"And Alex, I'm glad I've met the both of you. You guys are awesome."

"Rawr!" Angelica screeched. She was attempting to scare off Alex, which I thought was cute, but he just scooped her up and took her to the bathroom. I chuckled, and started picking the toys off Angie's floor. After a few minutes of playful bantering in the bathroom, they came back in, and Alex tucked his daughter into bed while I left.

I was sitting on the couch when Alex came out of Angelica's room. He flopped onto the cushion next to me with a sigh.

"How do you like her?"

"She's brilliant. She reminds me of someone."

"Oh?" He shot me a questioning glance.

"Yeah. Myself."

"Aw, come on. I thought-"

"You thought wrong."

"But she's my _daughter_ , she's gonna be like me!"

"That's a scary thought; another Alexander Hamilton."

"Fuck off, Laurens!"

"Gladly," I winked.

He grinned.

And punched my arm.

 _This isn't so bad, is it John? You and me? Us? In the middle of nowhere; nobody can come in and meddle with what's about to happen._ _You still wear belts? We'll be needing one._

 _A field. An empty field. Completely empty, except for the man in front of me._

 _You know it's coming, John. You're just too much of a coward to recognize it._

 _Coward._

 _Coward._

 _That's what you are._

 _Coward._

Coward. The word I woke up to. What filled my head. Occupied it. That word. Solely that one word.

 _Coward._


	6. Chapter 5

**_Alexander's POV_**

I woke up next to someone. I opened my eyes to find John there. In my bed. John Laurens.

 _What the hell happened last night?_

I grinned, dragging John behind me, leading him to my bedroom. I pushed him in, and basically slammed the door (careful not to be _too_ noisy). I walked over to John, who was sitting on the end of the bed. He looked up at me, and we locked eyes.

 _An unspoken agreement._

He crushed his lips against mine.

Lips. Lips on mine. Heated, messy, yet careful and gentle. He opened first, and our tongues fought for dominance as we worked at clothing. My shirt was off, and John was running his hands over my stomach. I pulled out of the kiss, feeling self-conscious.

"I love it," John whispered. "The little pudge. It's so cute."

He kissed my stomach, and trailed little nips up my chest. After he made it to my collarbone, I pushed him back to take his shirt off.

I probably stared at his abs for too long, but _God_ , were they amazing. John chuckled, and worked at my belt buckle.

We kissed again.

I grinned as I recalled what happened over the course of the night. I looked over at John, who was sleeping peacefully. He was, at least, until he sat up straight and started whispering.

" _No. No. Not now, Henry. Not now! I can't, I have friends, and a well paying job, you can't!"_

A pause.

" _Henry! You can't, please, no! No, no, not Alex! Not Angie, not them! Stop! Please!"_

I gaped, and then reached foward tentatively, a hand on John's shoulder.

"John?"

No response.

"John. Come here,"

Not a noise.

"John!" I crawled over to John, and wrapped the man in a hug.

After a few minutes, I felt movement under me, and I pulled back, and saw John's eyes open.

" _Alex_?"

"Yes, John? What is it?"

"I thought- I thought you were dead!" Tears started rolling down Laurens' cheeks, and I brushed my hand over them.

"I'm not dead. It was a bad dream. You're safe now, I'm here."

"It wasn't a bad dream, Alex," John whispered.

"It was a memory."

I shivered at John's tone. He sounded..odd, different, in a way. He had a dead look in his eyes, his _beautiful_ eyes, and it killed me to have him be like this. I couldn't imagine what he felt like.

 ** _John's POV_**

 _Tenth grade. A trip we took at school for Student Leadership. To Puerto Rico. To help out. Walking around. We had gone into a little store, on the corner of a deserted street. Inside was a few shelves. A register by the door. A register beeing watched over by a_ very _cute guy. Short, about my age, long, messy dark hair. Beautiful brown eyes. Eyes that dared you to push him around. He had an old, worn nametag._

Alexander

I stared at the man next to me.

"Alex," I said, snapping out of the funk I was in.

"Yes, John? Are you okay?"

"Did you live in Puerto Rico when you were younger?"

Alexander drew in a sharp breath.

"Um.. yeah. Why?"

"Did you work in a little shop?"

"John, what's going on?"

"Just answer me!" I snapped. "Sorry." I said, realizing my tone.

He flinched.

"I did. Why?"

"I.. it's probably nothing, don't worry about it."

Alex looked at me.

"What's up, darling?"

"I remembered a trip I took to Puerto Rico when I was in like, tenth grade. We had gone to help with stuff and had gone into a little shop. There was a beautiful guy there, with the nametag saying 'Alexander'. I just remembered."

"Bitchy girl with the pink hair? Kept hitting on me?" Alex said in a quiet voice.

"Yeah. I forgot her name. It was Maria or something."

"...oh. This is interesting."

"Yeah," I said. "I bought a water just so I could get close to you, if I'm remembering correctly."

He chuckled.

"Gay, even then."

"Darlin', I've been gay my entire life."

We both started laughing, and I felt better. Alex eventually had to get up to make breakfast, and wake up Angelica. We ate, and watched a Disney movie since it was a Saturday.

We were snuggled on the couch while Angie was sprawled out on the floor. Alex and I talked quietly.

" _I can't believe we met each other in tenth grade."_ I whispered.

 _"Yeah, well, I would've been around 14. I'm a year younger than you. Also, I wasn't in school."_

 _"Oh, well. Same difference."_

 _"A year is a long time."_

 _"I know."_

 _"I know, too."_

 _"Shut up!"_ I giggled.

"Shhh, _I'm_ actually watching the movie." Angelica scolded.

"Sorry, Princess." Alex laughed.

A beautiful, angelic laugh.


	7. Chapter 6

**_Alexander's POV_**

I watched as John opened his birthday gift. As he smiled. As he wiped his eyes. As he looked at Angelica with love. As he locked eyes with me, passion behind those hazel whirlpools. As he got off the floor and ambled over to me and kissed me. As he whispered 'I think I love you' in my ear.

 _Angelica_ loved John. She thought he was the most brilliant thing _ever_ , and it was mildly annoying. I don't know if I love John. I care for him, and I always feel like a teenage fangirl around him, but...I don't think I can love anymore.

I wasted all my love on my dead family, my dead island, my dead cousin. All of my love is gone. It's been drained from my body completely, entirely.

What is the point of love anyway? It just is there one day, but if you feel it towards a person, they won't necessarily love you back. It seems like a lot of hurt feelings to go through.

I love Angelica. I know that. Angelica Marie Hamilton is my daughter, and her mother conceived her at seventeen, while I was eighteen. She deserved a parental figure, and while her mum was off getting drunk and high, and who _knows_ what else, I was there. I fed her. Clothed her. Bathed her. Cared for her. Everything was for her.

Hell, I went to college while still taking care of her. All of the hours I wasn't home, while I was off working, those were for her.

My entire life has been about Angelica.

I don't deserve love. I really don't. I'm a wretched excuse of a human being, and I ruin everyone's lives. Take Burr and Jefferson, for example. Both want me dead. Why not assist in that process? I'll just pick up something and get it over with myself.

I slowly get off the couch. I've worked myself into a corner of depression, one I haven't been in in years.

 _Angelica leaves for school. John's at work. I write my essays, and work on editing, proofreading, and proofreading again. Then I realize I'm not good enough. That I suck at being a person. That I don't belong here._

That's when I ended up on the couch. But I'm here now, in the bathroom.

The click of the bottle. The slam of the cabinet door. The thump on the ground.

 ** _John's POV_**

I got Alexander flowers on my way home from work today. I think he'll like them. As I unlocked the door, I noticed how quiet it was. Fuck. Did Alex leave?

I walked around.

"Alex?"

"Alexander?"

No response. At all.

I open all the doors, looking in every room for him. When I opened the bathroom door, that's when it got bad.

Alexander was laying on the floor. A prescription drug bottle was on the counter. It looked bad. I could see tiny movement in Alex's chest.

I reached for his hand, frantically yelling for him to get up. He doesn't, and his eyes never open.

His eyes _never fucking open_.

 **Hey, I know. Please don't kill me! We'll see what happens next. I hope Alex is okay, and I wonder how Angelica takes the news...**


	8. Chapter 7

"Can I see daddy yet, Mr. John? I hope he didn't get hurt too bad, you know? I don't want daddy to be in pain, because then he might not love me anymore, and _that_ wouldn't be good, and-"

I stopped listening. Angelica took after Alex. Any thought that popped into her head was verbalized, and there was no filter from her brain to her mouth, just like him.

Him.

"Mr. John?"

I glanced down to my right.

"Yeah, Angie?"

" _Is_ daddy okay?"

"Oh...Angie, I'm not sure. The doctor said he wouldn't wake up for a few hours."

"But that was a lot of hours ago!"

I was about to respond when a nurse with blonde hair came out of Alexander's room.

"Are you family of Mr. Hamilton's?" she asked.

"Oh, um. I'm his husband." I responded. Angelica looked at me with a questioning glance, but shrugged.

"It's true, miss. I have two daddies. I'm super lucky."

 _Jack. What the hell is this?_

"Okay. Well, we can only let one person in at a time. Mr. Hamilton, would you like to go in? We have a kids area watched." the nurse said, nodding to Angelica.

"Yeah, okay. That'll be okay. Angie, you be good. I'll be back to get you in a few minutes."

"'Mkay. Bye!" Angie kissed my cheek and got up to follow a different nurse, this one with black hair.

The blonde led me to _his_ room, and told me she'd come back in about forty-five minutes. I nodded, and rested my hand on the doorknob.

Alex.

 _Jack, what the hell is this?_

I slowly opened the door, and saw _him_. _He_ was laying on his back, one arm with an IV, the other dangling off the hospital bed.

"John?" A tiny voice called my name. It sounded so pitiful.

"Yes?" I replied, closing the door gently behind me. I walked over to Alex and carefully sat on the edge of his bed.

Beautiful eyes stared up at me, half open.

A small, lopsided smile adorned his lips.

 _His_ perfect lips.

"Is Angelica here?"

"Alex," I said. "You attempted _suicide_. Goddamn suicide! You tried to fucking leave _your daughter_ who has no mother! That was the most fucking stupid, selfish thing you've ever done!" I exclaimed, unable to control my anger.

 _There you go, Jackie. Fuck 'em all up. You never are able to keep a relationship._

He closed his eyes.

"I fell into another hole of my depression. I know that's not an excuse. I was thinking about everything, and I-"

His words were stopped by my lips.

We kissed.

Lips. Lips on mine. It was heated, messy, but carefully placed. It wasn't rushed, but got a little intense for the current situation.

He melted, I could tell, but I pulled back after a bit.

"You tried to leave us."

"John, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"Alex, sorry won't fix it! Sorry won't fix anything! You were being a selfish bitch! You can't fucking do that, okay? I was worried as hell, Angelica cried, we had to lie to her and say _you fucking fell in the bathroom and hit your_ _fucking head!_ "

He sighed.

"John."

"What? Now you're gonna say we're over, if there even _was_ anything there, and-"

"I think I love you." Alex whispered.

"What?" I asked.

"I think I love you," He repeated, grabbing my hand.

"You took care of Angie, you love her like she's your own daughter, you take care of me, you worry about me. Yeah. You're pretty awesome."

I grinned.

"I'm sorry about being a bitch."

"John, sorry doesn't fix it. Sorry doesn't fix _anything_!" Alex mocked. We both laughed, and kissed, and talked.

I love him.


End file.
